Have you ever felt the feeling of being lost( in any matter)? I'm happy. Contented but i felt lost. I just suddenly miss the old me. I don't know how i started thinking about this and how I start typing continuously, Ironically i don't seem fine. Well in fact I'm weak and in pain right now because i'm sick. I just write something like this when i want to and when i'm okay. But now its shocking that i had the guts to write even if i'm sick. Annoyingly i just miss being in state of insanity. I miss wearing my cutie or random head pieces from my collection. I miss not being in my normal self. What I mean is I miss being out of control like going crazy and doing crazy stuffs like flaunting my new funky head piece with confidence and cranky fancy attitude whenever I want to. And not thinking about what will others think of me. I don't mind them, Like I care. It's just me and its my happiness. Others also like the way i act. They think I;m adorable in that way. Hee. I miss being a teen role model of everybody in school, being center of attraction. I miss having fun and enjoying every single day in my entire life. I miss not being in hurry when doing different stuffs. But seriously. Yeah. I really do miss myself. I'm happy but I'm not. How about that? What I'm thinking right now is.. I need to act normal and be normal. I'm 18 now and soon i'll get older and older than this. And I'm not the usual high school teenage fashionista that kids look up to. I just think that its time to be mature and act at my age. Where I can still be a teen role model to everybody. But not the same way back when I was in high school. The difference is I have to act mature. Oh, no. Not to act mature. "Be mature" and "Be normal". I'm not saying that I'm not normal lol. I'm not suffering from MC like the patients at the mental hospital. But its reality that I or we have to accept. We all experience this stage but what makes it different about me its because I'm crazy with a little mix of weirdness and happiness and that goes along with my bubbly personality.
~ Gillie. xx